Speak, Your Servant is Listening

Two nights, two times, I heard the same voice calling my name. The first time I assumed it was Nadia, who
after I asked her what she wanted, assumed I was going crazy. She hadn’t heard a thing. But i had heard it so clearly, my name,
spoken in barely a whisper, “Kathleen,” nothing more. I must be tired, surely I imagined it
all. Yet the next night, I am the only
one awake and I hear it again, “Kathleen.” I ask myself if I am going crazy, should I be
scared, but a peace comes over me, a peace fills me, a peace…

Is this, perhaps, how Samuel felt
each time he ran to Eli’s bedside, knowing with absolute certainty that he has
been called, only to be told to go back to bed? He didn’t recognize the Lord’s voice right away, but the Lord was
persistant. 

                I spent
lots of time praying over this during our team solitude. Is that you, God? Are you calling me and I’m not
listening? What is your will? The following is an excerpt from my journal
during solitude, an answer, though an unexpected one.

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12:20pm

Have I really been
trying to change the world for the better, for you Kingdom’s glory, or was I
simply trying to change it into my idea of how things should be?

When was the last time
I prayed before talking back to peopple, whether it be my teammates or the
staff here?

I see such stubborness
and pride in my remarks to others, arrogance and superiority. Where love and joy once stood, hardness is
taking place. This isn’t me, this isn’t
my heart, tis isn’t who i want to be, who you have called me to be. “Guard your heart, for everything you do
flows from it.” That comes through
patience, obediance,and prayer. Guide me
in you will, Father.

4:30pm

Silence? But yes, that seems to be your will. Time to listen, to others as well as to
you. Is it complete silence? Not quite, but words shall only follow
prayer. Teach me to guard my heart,
Father, not from the things I normally consider that to mean, but from all the
schemes of the enemy. Guard me from
arrogance, hardness, pride, stubborness, and selfishness. Teach me to pray before reacting, to not jump
to sassy remarks aimed to hurt, but to speak out of your love.

I will continue this
season of silence and listening until you call me out of it.

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So a season of listening rather than talking has begun. He did indeed call me, but I must learn to
listen. I think I am ready, but I’m not
certain if I’m prepared for what he will call me to, what he will speak. Yet I trust in the Lord’s provision, he will
prepare my path. I feel that there is
more to come, that there is more for us in Africa, if only we would listen. “Speak, for your servant is
listening”

James 1:19-20

Proverbs 4:23-27