Chosen

 

Lies.  Satan fills us all with them, lies about ourselves, the world, those around us. That is where the enemy finds his foothold. These lies aren’t always huge and obvious. Often he plants them, just barely there, and they grow and stay in the back of our minds until we don’t realize we are hearing them anymore. It angers me that his lies can get so loud that we allow them to drown out the truth that God is speaking into us. Yet I am guilty of doing just that.

Satan planted one major lie in me, so long ago that I couldn’t even tell you when it began. It sat in the back of my mind and would whisper in moments of doubt, weakness, or fear. Why I began to believe it, I don’t know.  For years, God has been telling me that He wants me, He loves me, He chose me. My relationship with Him has grown deeper, more intimate. I knew in my heart that I was His. Yet at some point, Satan planted the seed of doubt, the little voice that said, “Nope, not you.” Every time I would go to the Lord in prayer, the lie would grow louder. I would think that I wasn’t good enough.  I was too sinful, unworthy, less than others, and ultimately not chosen by the Lord. While I knew these lies weren’t true, they began to eat at my heart. They became a burden, a load too heavy for me to carry. I was weary of the, weak from fighting the lies, yet I never gave them fully to God. I didn’t think I could because there was a chance, a miniscule chance, that it was true. I had become a doubting Thomas, afraid to admit my fears to Him, the One who had been speaking truth, love and life into me all along.

A bit over a week ago, we were worshiping the Lord by allowing the Spirit to speak through us in song. I sat in silence until the Spirit spoke into me, “Come. Give. Submit. Surrender your load.” As I sang this to God, that old lie started speaking louder than ever before. “It doesn’t matter what you do! You are not His, He doesn’t want you. Why would He? You are not chosen. Sorry, it just isn’t you. Everyone knows it; you are the only one who can’t accept it.” It hurt me so to hear these words, and as part of me shouted back that it wasn’t true, that Christ has saved me, that the Spirit lives within, that I am His body, there was still that part that doubted, that started to believe the lies. I simply couldn’t handle the burden any longer.

Then I heard a voice drown out the shouts, very calm and quiet, saying, “Tell them.” NO WAY! That was the very last thing I wanted to do! This was a burden that I had to keep to myself. What if it was true? What if it was confirmed? What would I do then? “Tell them,” the voice said louder, stronger. I can’t. Speaking it would make it too real. I couldn’t tell this to anyone, not them, not really myself, and not God. While I submitted everything else to Him, I clung to this out of fear. Then worship ended, and discussion began. Tag asked us about worship and everyone was saying what an amazing experience it had been. I couldn’t burden them now. “Tell them!” The voice was persistent, yet I resisted still. It just wasn’t the time. Tag had begun speaking again. The chance had passed.

Then Tag stopped and said, “Does anyone else have something they need to say?” There it is.  He is speaking to me. “Tell them now!” I heard so clearly, so reassuringly. Alright Lord, I will tell them. If You insist, I will say it. Timidly, I spoke up. I began to explain that I didn’t want to speak this out loud, but the Spirit had told me that I had to. As I began to tell them, to spill these dark lies into the bright light, I broke. I began to weep, then to sob until I couldn’t speak. I hadn’t realized just how badly I had been hurt by this lie until I vocalized it. Still, was it true? There was no taking it back now. Was someone about to say, “You’re right. You aren’t chosen, and you certainly don’t belong here.” The familiar ache of fear began to sink in. “God, is it true? I can’t hear above the lie. Please tell me You chose me,” I begged. Then, instead of the condemning voices that I feared, I felt hands lay upon me. Voices began to rise around me, praying, crying out to the Lord on my behalf to remove the lie from my heart, rebuking Satan for planting this lie, prophesying over me that God needed me to know that He chose me. He picked me. He loves me. He wants me. As I wept, they prayed and the condemning, lying voice faded and disappeared. I asked the Lord, “Am I chosen? Do you really want this mess that I am?” And I heard, as if for the very first time, “Yes, of course I chose you. Do not doubt that you are mine. I love you.” And I wept, yet this time out of joy. “I am chosen,” I choked out in a whisper, and then I spoke it louder and louder. I felt as though the boulder I had been struggling under for so long was lifted. I felt light and free. It was like I was meeting God all over again. I could feel Him around me. He had banished the lies from my heart. He just wanted me to trust Him enough to speak them out loud.

I am HIS! He chose ME! I am loved! God wants me! He has freed me from the chains of slavery that I had placed myself under. How great is our God? He is faithful when we are faithless. He is gracious, merciful, loving, powerful, undeniable, unsurpassable. He is ALL! He is a God who hears our cries and who fights for us. He is the ONE that Satan fears. Even when the enemy tries to speak lies and hate into us, God can overcome it, He alone can free us from Satan’s grip. We just have to give it to Him. Praise be to God!

The word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” “Ah, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.

          -Jeremiah 1:4-8